Saturday Night
Late at night with our last moments approaching. A feeling of unexplained nervousness in the air, but at the same time excitement and calm just by being near. My eyes begin to drop closed. He caresses my cheek and my eyes awaken. His face near, our body’s close, anticipation, thoughts scrambled. Then, finally, a kiss.
[[In my story I'm not exactly sure about the word "near." I originally had "close" but didn't want to have "close" twice so if you have any suggestions please let me know!]]
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It's very passionate, and most descriptives are very nice and, well.. descriptive! I can see how "near" would be better off as another word, but I can't give you a clean-cut textbook definition on how you could change it.
ReplyDeleteInstead, maybe you could sacrifice a line you're not too sure about, change "near" to something more descriptive (perhaps more than 2 words), and if you have anything that you need to add in, try strengthening any other lines to give a crystal-clear image.